Drunk 'N' Blogging

It is not recommended that anyone drunk 'N' Dial. ( the process where in you become so inebriated that you feel the necessity of calling someone - generally an ex - and pouring out your innermost feelings)

So instead, I will impart the wisdom of the ages... or at least what I have learned about being drunk. That is...I will Drunk 'N' Blog.

1.) Whoever it is...They don't need to hear from you at 2:00 AM or 3:00AM as the case may be.
2.) Your time is better spent on preventing your horrid hangover.

So you've had a little (or a lot) too much to drink. You've called it a night (It's bar time, or you're out of booze and too lazy to go out for more). What do you do now?

How do you feel? Drunk has many levels.

Level 1.) Other people have seen you drink. You don't feel any incapacity or lowered inhibitions but you now feel like you can blame any faux pass on the alcohol.
Level 2.) You've had enough alcohol (be it one or 5 drinks) and you feel pretty good. This is the kind of good where you are pretty happy to keep drinking. Kind of like taking a little of the 6-demon bag from Egg Foo (ala Big Trouble in Little China)
Level 3.) You feel a bit like a V-8 Commercial (the old version from before when people where bonked on their foreheads, back when they were all slanty..I'd show all you young whipper-snappers a clip but I couldn't find one on youtube while I was so drunk...maybe later) but you doubt that is important because you have only have 3 or was it 7 drinks. Math isn't important any way. Ohh...Shiny!... What were we taking about?
Level 4.) You've thrown up. Which is good, because you have more room for booze, right?!.

If you are Level 1 or 2 and you are already done drinking...I either commend you or feel like you've been cheated which ever suits your temperament more. Feel Free to go to bed with a clear conscience.

I take that back...If you are at level 1 and you do something really stupid or inappropriate, or both you should be ashaimed and I hope you can't sleep because you are such a jack-ass.

If you are at Level 3 or 4 you need my (patent pending*) miracle "no hang-over in the morning" treatment.

It is fairly easy to follow. (Steps one and two are optional.)

Step 1.) Don't get so freaking drunk, You Moron. What?!?! Do you want to be hung over??!!!!
Step 2.) If you insist on drinking so fucking much how about alternating between alcoholic drinks and water. (proper hydration will help the liver to process the alcohol-poisons, there by keeping you from being sick tomorrow.) Or atleast eating something before drinking a liquor store dry (Having a carbohydrate heavy meal before drinking has been shown - at least in personal experiments - to reduce the sighn of over-indulgence the morning after)
Step 3.) If you feel like it might be a good idea (even if no the coolest thing right now) please vomit. The alcohol that is in your stomach will not end up in your barrel, it has served its purpose. You don't need to fully process every drop of booze you drink. You have had the full experience. Please barf and call it a night on the drinking scene.
Step 4) If you have already thrown up..STOP FUCKING DRINKING!!! Alcohol Poisoning is NOT sexy!!!!! Please don't make someone have to take you to the hospital it won't get you laid or help you forget your troubles ar make a great end to a fun night on the town.
Step 5.) Get your ass to a safe place, be it home or someone else's home who you truct. Don't just go somewhere if you are tanked. you may not like where you are when you sober-up otherwise.
Step 6.) Eat something salty (if you can hold anything down...If you can't go directly to the hospital, Do not pass Go...Do Not get $200.00) Ramen works like a fucking charm here but any thing salty is good. I have read (though I couldn't remember right now where even if my life depended on it) that a strong part of the process of the hang-over has to do with a significant reduction in electrolytes due to the salts necessary in processing alcohol-poisons out of the body.
Step 7.) Drink some water, or watery item like soup (Ramen is good for both) or Koolaid. Again, to help with the proper balance of electrolytes.
Step 8.) Try to stay awake (preferably with a friend) until you are a bit more sober. Shoot for between Buzzed and Tipsy (Somewhere between level 2 and 3). If you go to sleep tanked you might just wake up that way, and wouldn't that suck! At the very least you are likely to end up Hung-over in the morning. If you stay awake your body is more active and your metabolism is higher so that you can process more alcohol and become less drunk overall.

If you think I'm sober right n0w you are wrong. I am happily coming off a high level 3 night and by following the Ramen Philosophy in the past I have avoided bad hang-overs. This has even been the case when I have been drinking until at least bar time and then had to get up the following morning to go to work at the Day Care (work starts at 7:30am). If you let yourself sober up a little (or even a lot if you can stand it) your morning, no mater how soon, will be better off for it.
Give it a shot. It has worked for me.

Though...I didn't need these thechniques until I was in the mid-20's. If you are a light-weight you may want to look into this strategy now. For everyone else...Your liver won't be young forever...Read, learn. plan. Don't be caught off guard. Hang-overs suck.


**Not really Patent Pending, though if I thought I could I might try.