Failure to launch

I'm not having a very productive day.

I made a conscious choice to sleep in. I could have easily gotten up when any of my normal alarms went off...or when my sister knocked on the door...but instead I announced I was sleeping in. I'm not sure why I did that. Given a choice between sleep and not sleep (unless it is after 10pm) I will inevitably choose sleep. I love sleeping. Or perhaps I'm addicted? Or maybe I'm somehow broken. :/ I've had sleep studies. They weren't quite sure what was wrong but prescribed something to help be stay awake. That was years ago. I'm waiting on my insurance company to approve a new study...maybe the new techniques or advances in technology will identify what the hell is wrong with me.

But I did get up today. I was perfectly awake but loath to get out of bed. Its my Sunday. I start my work week tomorrow. I love working - not necessarily my job, mind you - but working. Its important to me to be needed and functional. So I laid in bed for almost an hour. Then I went to the bathroom and weighed in. I always weigh in in the morning after going to the bathroom. I figure this is the point when I will be my lightest all day. 196.6

Not a bad weight...though a full pound heavier than yesterday. There are reasons for this...perhaps I'm retaining water or something...or more likely, yesterday when i got on the scale I didn't notice that one corner of it was on the carpet. My sister pointed this out to me lat night. Its very important that your scale be on a flat hard surface for it to give an accurate reading.

Then I got dressed and ate breakfast...it was still morning - not yet noon. Plenty of time to get a good and productive day in.  I turned on the computer and worked on music for a bit and watched a TED talk on Netflix (Something about making sure that you don't only have one picture of a people. Nothing is nice and neat and able to be put into a small tidy package.)

Then I sat down to get some work done. I was going to blog. I have to write about my failed broccoli soup. The title is going to be "No Soup For You" - get it? But then I didn't. I just swam aimlessly through the unending stream of social media. Just a piece of flotsom in a sea of aphorisms and news snippets.

Around 3 I realized I was lethargic...most likely because i was hungry and went to make the last of that rice side dish...this time with a piece of frozen pollock to accompany (I did make one bag last 4 meals). And while I was away from the sucking void of the internet I managed to go outside and clean out my car ( a much needed weekly task) and start the laundry. Then I ate the meal (not without misadventure however as i broke one of my favorite bowls in the process.) I watched Ze Frank's Ted Talk because i remember liking it and then chased that with his most recent True Facts episode.

And I was right back to where I had been. Fed now but no more productive.

You see...I couldn't go to the gym today. I'm broke. I can't spare the gas to drive the distance there and back. I know that I can exercise here. I am more than able to do it. I have hundreds of exercise classes available at my disposal online and my sister has all the P90X videos (even the most recent ones). I have resistance bands, and medicine balls and balance balls, and free weights. I could run - the weather is nice but not oppressively hot (I currently live in Florida). But I just couldn't get up the motivation.

I love going to the gym. It's the most selfish thing I do. And I revel in it.

Eventually I did the dishes and swapped in the second load of laundry. But without going to the gym my day has felt like a failure.